Week of July 18

July 18, 2016

It has been one week since Baby Squeak has been gone.  This week is a little better, mainly because I was out of town for a wedding, but it is still hard.  I am not sure what the first weekend at the apartment by myself without her will feel like.  I am still crying when I get dressed in the morning and I tear up during the day when someone asks about her but I am not sobbing like I was last week.  As long as I stay busy or distracted I am good.  The hardest part is still coming home. The minute that I hit the exit I start thinking about how she will not be there when I open the door and it becomes worse when I enter the apartment.  It is especially bad coming  in the evenings more so than during the day.  On the weekends, she use to sleep in her sunlight spot on the bed during the day as I would come and go running errands or going in and out.  I know it will get better but I just miss her so terribly much that it is hard!  Everything seems to be a constant reminder of her for me.

I have been trying to stay very busy this week so that I do not think too much.  On Tuesday, I got a letter from Squeak's doctor that was obviously from him.  I appreciate him taking the time to write a note and have it sent.

It was difficult on Friday when they called for me to pick up Squeak's ashes.  Besides the fact that this was the first day I have really been by myself in the past two weeks, all the emotions came rushing back.  It did not help that I got a call to pick up her ashes on Friday evening and felt the need to go and pick them up right away so what is left of her is here with me.  The Pet Circle of Life did a certificate for her and put her ashes are in a small wooden box and they did a paw print of her back paw as well.  I also did an Infinity Charm with kitty paw prints to wear.

Husky is acting a little strange.  She has been walking around crying a lot and I cannot figure out if she is talking to me, looking for Squeak or she is upset.  She has been sleeping on the bed with me but laying at my feet.  This is where she slept when Squeak was here and I am guessing she will continue to sleep there.

Saturday was better because I stayed busy.  I met a friend for breakfast and cried on their shoulder for a bit.  I also then went into work to get some things done that I have been wanting to get done but have not been able to get to.

Saturday evening I went to the O'Rourke's for dinner and then to see their fabulous daughter, Jordyn, in the play she has been working so hard on and is being directed by North's FABULOUS theater teacher, Anna Hightower.  We are so lucky to have such a fabulous staff at North, Tom Kociela directed the Rock Concert in Temecula and Anna is directing the Junior University plays, such a talented group of teachers.

I have decided on Sunday to try and relax and get caught up on sleep.  I was going to go to San Diego to Balboa Park to hear the organ play but then realized it is the end of Comic-Con so it may not be a good idea to be anywhere near San Diego.  I was going to go into the office but the air is not working so I will be staying at home.   I think today is just a finish up some tasks day and relax on the couch!

Squeak's Passing

July 11, 2016

My Baby Squeak passed away today and it literally may have been the hardest day of my life!  I have been spending time with her and did not do any blogging / journaling I am realizing now again how hard this is going to be.  Now, I wish I would have written more so I had a record of what happened week by week.  I have her meds schedule and her medical reports for each day but I don't have a week by week recount and that makes me sad.  So now I am going to try and describe what happened over the past months so you can understand my feeling and why I will be working on my sadness for some time.

After spending three days of spending time at California Vet Specialists in Carlsbad area and Murrieta, Squeak was diagnosed with Lymphoma on February 15, 2016.  I chose to proceed with Chemotherapy treatment on her at California Vet Specialists (CVS).  They have an oncology department there and Dr. Oligive, who is a well know pet oncologist, was very optimistic about her prognosis since it seemed the cancer was caught early.  So for the next 26 weeks Squeak would be taking medications daily and receiving treatment.

During the time she was going to CVS she became such great friends with the people working there. She would talk with Michelle in the morning who would check her in.  When I would come to pick her up they would tell me how much everyone loved her because when they walked by and said her name she would "squeak" at them.  There was a few times where Squeak was upset with treatment and would hiss or bat at them with her paw but it was rarely.  I remember one Tuesday her Vet Tech, Maggie, said she was in a bad mood and lunged at her.  I felt so bad for both Maggie and Squeak. That same evening they told me that she always squirmed when they tried to pick her up and I asked if they were picking her up like a baby with her tail over their arm.  They looked at me funny and said no, they were carrying her held close to their body but not like that.  I explained that was the only way she liked to be carried and the next time I took her in Maggie carried her out of the back outside of her carrier just like Squeak likes to be carried a walked over to me.  Three other Vet Techs followed Maggie out and just smiled as Squeak looked at me and lunged to my shoulder right away from Maggie's shoulder to mine.  Everyone just laughed as she rubbed up against my neck and squeaked.

Squeak and Husky

On Wednesday, July 6th Squeak stopped eating.  I thought it was due to the Chemo therapy she recieved on Tuesday, July 5th.  However, I could not get her to eat and giving her the meds were getting tougher and tougher over the past two weeks  She was resisting more and more and getting good at moving her tongue around so that she would push them out.  I could feel that she was losing weight when I picked her up and as I petted her over the last 5 days.  She continued to go to the counter like she was going to eat and would come and sit with me when I sat down to eat but she would not eat anything.  She was still sleeping with me, getting up to get dressed with me and wanted to be covered up but she just was not eating.   I feel so guilty about this because of how busy I was this past week.  I had two interviews to prepare for this past week and Kristen was here.  I was not around as much and I worry that I missed something that was obvious or that I did not spend enough time with her recently.

Baby Squeak on her heating blanket. Yes, she had her own.

On Sunday, July 10th, I called Maggie to let her know that Squeak had not been eating and we arranged for her to come in at 9:00 am on Monday to be looked at by Dr. FitzPatrick.  On Sunday evening, Squeak and I sat on the couch together and watched TV.  We even folded laundry together, which was one of her favorite things.  Iwould cover her with a warm towel fresh out of the dryer and she would lay there until it was the only thing left to be folded and when I would take it off of her she would "squeak" and look at me.  On this Sunday she started at the back of the couch kneading my shoulders and rubbing her head against my neck and laying with her head on me.  She then moved to siting beside me and we watched TV together and she put her chin on my leg.  She was cuddled up next to me and whenever I stopped petting her, she pawed my leg to get me to start petting her again. She slept with me that night on the bed and got dressed with me in the morning and little did I know this would be the last time she would do these activities with me again.

Squeak covered with towel as she helps me fold laundry.

At 9:00 am on July 11, I took her into her doctor and Dr. FitzPatrick was there. After looking at her he agreed she had lost weight but was not sure if it was chemotherapy or something else wrong.  He suggested that she stay for the day and get some subcutaneous fluids so she would feel better.  He also said he would keep her for observations so that I could go to work since I took off two days the previous week to spend time with Kristen and get ready for my interview.

At 12:30 pm, I wondered why I had not heard anything but I really thought it was because she was sleeping and all was well.  At 3:00 pm, I got a call saying they wanted to run a blood test and do an ultrasound to check everything.  They called back at 4:30 pm to ask to do a chest X-ray and told me she had been throwing up and there was some blood and her stool had blood in it as well and I told them this did not sound good and I was leaving right away.  Dr. FitzPatrick told me he was worried about her and she was looking worse.  I left immediately to go to the vet and on the way there, Dr. FitzPatrick called back to see how far out I was because he did not think she had much time left.

I got there and went strait in and they took me to the back and there was little Squeak wrapped up in a blanket with a heat lamp on and oxygen blowing in her face.  I sat down next to her and just started petting her and loving on her.  She looked so sweet wrapped up in the blanket and so sad at the same time.  All I could think was this is the last time I am going to see my precious Squeak, talk with her, pet her, hold her, see her and touch her,  I had been crying for the last 70 minutes and it looked like it was going to continue.  I asked if I could hold her and they said yes but when I picked her up it put stress on her and she started gasping so I put her back down in the blanket and continued to hold her and love on her.  The doctor told me that it looked like she had a leak in her intestines and she was becoming septic and therefore her body was shutting down.  All I could think about was how much I loved this baby and what I was going to do without her.  I wanted her out of her pain but I did not want to lose her.  However, the decision had to be made to let her go and I had to make it.

They told me they would give her something to put her to sleep and then something to make her heart stop beating.   They told me I could hold her as they put the meds in and I did, tightly!  I told her how much I loved her, how thankful I was for her sleeping with me, waking up with me, sitting with me at all times, eating with me, getting dressed with me,  I told her how much she meant to me that she went through NBC with me, finished a PhD and moved across the country with me.  I thanked her for helping to train Husky to be a good kitty.  I told Squeak I would miss her immensely and how I was going to struggle with her not being there when I got home in the evening waiting for me at the door. As I was holding her, he injected the medications into her port in her arm and she went to sleep, I could feel her relax and then he did the second medicine and gave her a minute or two as I was talking with her and checked her heart to let me know she was gone.

I just continued to hold her and cry, not believing the end had come and Squeak was gone.  I think I must have sat there and held her for another hour with her.  I know that she was gone but her body was still there and I just could not leave her alone.  Even when I did leave the vet office, it killed me to leave her there to be put in the cold unit by herself.  I could not stop crying as I left knowing that I was leaving her little body there and would never see, hold, kiss or hug her again!

I got home and could not stop crying, I just sat on the couch and cried. Ali and Katja came over and sat with me while I cried for the evening.  I cannot thank them enough for being here with me.  As they were about to leave, Ali moved the chair back to the table that I had for Squeak to get up on the counter and I just started crying again.  It made me realize again, that she is gone and will not be hopping on the counter and walking around waiting for me to feed her.  They left about 10:00 pm and it was time to face the first night without my Squeaky snugglebug in bed with me.


July 12, 2016
This morning started when I woke up without enough sleep and looked around for Squeak and began crying knowing she would not be there.  It started when I woke up crying at 4:00 am and finally got up around 7:00 am again thinking and realizing that Squeak did not wake me at 5:00 am to let me know it was time to get up so I started crying again.  I laid in bed and grieved for a bit thinking again about how Squeak will not be waking up next to me again.  Husky was here with me trying to comfort me in her own way but I know that she not Squeak.

I made breakfast and sat down to eat and could only take a few bites and started crying because Squeak was not there with me to eat.  Husky did not come out to eat breakfast together either.  I went back to the bedroom to lay down and started crying again as I made the bed and wrap up the electric blanket that Squeak used to stay warm and to fold up the Lion King blanket Squeak always laid on.   I laid in bed and just cried into her blanket and held it tightly.  It was at this point that I realized that I could not stay at the apartment today.  Everywhere I turned was Squeak and memories of her. Staying at the apartment was too much of a reminder!   I thought about going to the movies but knew I would sit and cry.  I thought about going to the beach but thought people would stare at me and I got burnt on Sunday so I did not need to be in the sun.

I took a shower and cried harder because Squeak was not there to sit on the bathmat and talk with me. I went out to feed Husky and Squeak was not there to talk with me and eat which made me cry as well.    I laid back down thinking I needed to stay at the apartment and then began crying again.  I decided to go ahead and go to work and stay in the office so that I could cry there quietly while still getting some things done.

The entire day was off and on crying.  If anyone said anything about Squeak I would begin again and have to calm down.  I worked on cleaning things and Ali and I did routine items with the Master Schedule and Board.  I honestly do not remember much of the day because of how upset I was.  I think it was pretty routine and I hope that I did not upset anyone.  About the only thing I remember vividly is getting a phone call about not getting the Principal position that I applied for and went to second round interviews.  There are pros and cons with not getting the position and I have thought them all out and weighed all my options in order to move forward.  On the way home, my mentor called to talk with me about the situation which re-affirmed my thoughts about the pros and cons and moving forward.

The waterworks started again as I got to my exit.  Thinking about going home and opening the door without Squeak there to meet me is hard and makes me extremely sad.  She ALWAYS met me at the door whether it was in SC or in CA.  She knew the sound of my car and would always be waiting at the door for me to come in and pick her up after being gone for the day.  I hate to say that I came in and just sat on the floor and cried for a bit.  I got myself together and cleaned up some around the apartment and tried to relax with Husky.  We watched TV together and believe it or not Husky did come over and sit on the couch with me rather than on the other chair.  As I got ready for bed and laid down, of course I began crying again because Squeaky use to come and sleep with me.  I finally fell asleep hoping for a better day with a stronger head and heart.


July 13, 2016
Today was hard but a little better.  The morning was tough again and I think the mornings will be hard for a long time to come.  I looked at Facebook this morning to see all the kind words people said about Squeak and sending your thoughts my way.  I truly appreciate the messages and words.  For those of you who have called, I am sorry to have cried on the phone to you.

I talked with my mom this morning who reminded me that a lot of people would not understand the grief I am feeling right now.  I have been thinking about that all day and thought I should probably try to explain if for no other reason to remind myself years from now when I look back on this as I remember my sweet little girl.

It was my third year teaching and Chris Griffin came to my classroom during the pre-service workday to let me know that he had to take Dale Nelson home the night before after football practice because there was a cat that went into the engine of the car and they could not get it out.  Chris said that he picked Dale up on the way into work but that Dale was taking his car home so I had until after football practice to get the cat out from his engine or it would be killed on the way home.  At lunch I went home and got a can of tuna and brought it back.  I sat down next to the car and opened the tuna.  I remember thinking that I was not sure if this was going to work but that if I leave the tuna the cat might come out and go away therefore be safe.  I opened the tuna and to my surprise the cat came right out from the engine.  She came and literally sat in my lap and ate the tuna.  When she was done she just sat in my lap and purred.  I picked her up and put her over my shoulder like a baby and she just "cried" / half meowed and I took her into the training room and put her in the storage area to take home with me at the end of the day after football practice.

Baby Squeak

I took her home and gave her a bath.  Yes, you read that correctly, I gave her a bath.  I remember her crying and trying to get out of the bathtub with her pawing her little paws against the tub but never trying to jump out of the tub.  I remember her eyes being really big like she was unsure and scared. The water was so dirty and I remember the fleas coming off of her.  I wrapped her up in a towel for her to dry and brushed her.  She spent the night in the bathroom until I could get her to the vet to be checked out but I knew that I was keeping her!

Squeak went to the vet a day later and got the clean bill of health.  She also got her dose of flea / tick meds for her fleas and ear mites.  She came home that night and that was the start of her always being near me.  I look at it as Squeak chose me.  She chose to sit in my lap, she chose to let me give her a bath, she chose me as her human.  She was such a cute kitten who wanted to follow the older cats and do what they did but the minute that she saw me and I would talk with her she would "squeak," hence how she got her name!

Squeak Meowing about being in the car.

In the mornings when I got dressed she would be with me sitting on the floor at the shower, sitting on the counter as I put on my makeup, walking with me to the kitchen and giving her treats as I left for work.  Each day I would come home she would hear the car and come to the door to sit and wait on me to come in.  She would want to be picked up and carried for awhile.  If I tried to put her down or pass her off she would do the "death grab" on me to stay with me.  This involved her pawing at whomever she was passed off to and trying to climb back onto me.  She would sit with me while I graded papers, worked on school work, watched TV, ate dinner and would do the delayed follow. This means that she would see me leave a room, wait for about 2 minutes, and then come find me.  It was so cute!!!  At night she would come and sit on the counter while I took a shower and eat treats.  I would then carry her to the bedroom and she would sit on the bed and wait for me to finish getting ready to come to be and then would lay next to me as I petted her and we went to sleep.

She was my constant companion and got me through some really difficult times.  During the years that I worked on my National Board Certification, she would sit on the table beside the notebooks as I worked.  When I worked on my Admin Credential she sat with me during the projects that I had to do.  When I started my classes for my doctorate, she was there every step of the way sitting on my books, papers, and transcribed documents as I analyzed data.  She moved across the country with me and has sat with me during some of the saddest times of my life as well as the happiest!

A little blurry but one of my favorite pictures of Squeak helping me write a paper!

Knowing that I will never see Squeak again and have her there with me has been the most difficult thing I have had to bare.  I knew that I was attached to her but I did not really realize how much until she was diagnosed with lymphoma in February.  I knew this was going to be hard and the end would come but I really did not realize it would come so quickly and abruptly.  I thought I would have at least another year or two with her.  I am glad that I decided not to go on the trip to Europe this summer because I would have missed precious time with her.   She is going to be cremated since I don't live in a house to bury her but I am happy that I will be able to have her ashes with me.

Sleepy Squeaky

So hopefully this helps explain why I am so close to my Squeak.  As I told my friend Kristen tonight. Many families have a pet they share among their family members so 2-4 people share the time with the pet.  In this case, Squeak chose me and was my constant companion so we spent so much time together that it hurts so bad that she is gone.

Each day is a challenge and I know that Husky is at home still but tonight I left work at 8:00 pm avoiding being at home too long tonight without my cute little Squeak.  I knew I would end up crying as I was coming home knowing I would be entering an apartment without my cute little Squeaky!   As I entered the apartment there was a large fern like plant in my apartment that was delivered today. I had gotten a call earlier about a delivery and and I arranged for the apartment manager to deliver it to my apartment since I was not going to be at home.  I figured it was from my mom but to my surprise, it was from Squeak's vet.  I truly appreciate the gesture and will do my best to keep it alive.

From Squeak's Medical Team

Beautiful Fern Plant

July 14, 2016

Thank you again to everyone who has hugged me, called, texted or emailed to check on me.  I know it can be uncomfortable because grief is hard to deal and you really don't know what to say to someone. I know it is also hard if you do not understand the relationship between a human and their fur baby.  I truly appreciate all your love and support during this time and I promise it will get better but I honestly don't know if I will be able to talk about Squeak without a tear or two in my eye.  


In closing 
Squeak always took care of me as much as I did her.  She chose the perfect time for everything in her own way.  When she was diagnosed, I had been around for two months and was spending time with her and it was like she was telling me something was up.  I was traveling a good bit but the vet she was going to was 24 hours and Katja and Ali were willing to stay with her at the apartment.  While I stay busy, this semester I was able to spend more time with her at the apartment.  This summer I chose not to do summer school or travel so I could be here for her.  It was like she knew that I had the interviews and held up her chin and was strong for me.  It was like she knew I was going to be at a wedding the weekend of the 16th out of town and Ali was going to be there and I would never want someone to have to take her to the vet.  She knew that my mom would be staying with her while I was gone the first week of August and then school would get started.  I truly wonder if Squeak knew this was her time and a good time for me to be able to grieve for her because she was always looking out for me as I was her.

My Baby Squeak and Me!

 

Beginning of March

Someone asked me the other day if I wrote my blog on a regular basis or if it was at the end of the week.  My answer: welll........you can see by the dates.  If I date it then it is usually day by day in the evening but if there is no dates then it is usually incorporating a number of days. This one is incorporating a number of days because it has been crazy.

So, on Tuesday, March 1st Squeak had a vet appointment to evaluate her treatments.  This was a big appointment for a couple of reasons. The first is that I was not in town for her last appointment, the second was that she has been eating more so I was excited to hear about her weight, and thirdly because this was the appointment that identified whether or not the treatments were working and we should continue with the course of treatment selected or if we needed to re-evaluate.  Needless to say, I was a mess.  Basically, I was going to learn if Squeak would be with me approximately 4, 6, 8 months or if there was a possibility for longer.

Squeak before she was going to the Vet on Tuesday.

Squeak was trying to help determine content of food by lying on my notebook that has the info!

 Well taking Squeak today was not easy.  She has come to equate the kitty carrier with going somewhere she does not want to go and she kept trying to jump out of the carrier.  On the way there, she was good and allowed me to pet her but when I got out of the car she started crying again.  I should note here that Squeak does not growl, bit, or scratch.  She really is a good natured cat that just makes a meow noise when she is unhappy.  However, she is very muscular so when she wants to get away or does not like the position she is in, she uses those muscles to move.  I have always said she has the strongest tail in the world because she can move things with that tail if she hits something on a table.  They left me in the waiting room longer than I expected and that scared me a little bit. However, when they came out of the back, they did not take me into a separate room so that seemed to be good news.  And it was good news!  Dr. Oglivie gave her an A+ for her lab report and exam.  He said her lab report is good and while the WBC count did drop, it was what was expected and not in a bad area.  He said all her other levels looked good and while the platelets were a little low, it was most likely because they were clumped when the machine read them and therefore they read them as one instead of many. Obviously, this is good news.  He believes that she is doing well and if she continues with this progress the treatments will work and the cancer will go into remission.

Squeak and I celebrated with ham and turkey for her!  She seems to have really taken to the foods that I don't eat.  Now, this is pretty funny because I am going to the store and spending $20 - $30 on meat that I won't eat!  But it is worth it for her and it is great to see her eat.   It is funny to see me in PetSmart or Petco reading food labels like you would in a grocery store trying to find the right food for her and worried that I am not calculating the content correctly and will do more damage then good.  The goal is less than 30% Carbs in dry matter so there is math involved in figuring out the content.  So....moral....know how to do math!

This week at work has also been crazy but good.  I always miss everyone when I am gone and to be back after a week there is always things to catch up on and that you realize is on the deadline board no matter how much you try to keep up with the email and work from abroad!  I did a okay job but there is always the things that no one emails you about because they know you are gone so they wait until you get back.  Those were the issues that I was dealing with this week.

Now, I do have to admit that on Friday, it was stressful.  I was at a Co-Admin meeting in the morning and then came back to do lunch duty.  Due to the day, I ended up being the only admin on campus out at lunch duty.  I hate when this happens!  I always try and make sure that I am at lunch duty so there is more than one admin at school on duty.  I think I have missed lunch duty twice this year while I have been on campus and one time was a parent issue and another time was an admin issue.

This week at work has also been crazy but good.  I always miss everyone when I am gone and to be back after a week there is always things to catch up on and that you realize is on the deadline board no matter how much you try to keep up with the email and work from abroad!  I did a okay job but there is always the things that no one emails you about because they know you are gone so they wait until you get back.  Those were the issues that I was dealing with this week.  

Now, I do have to admit that on Friday, it was stressful.  I was at a Co-Admin meeting in the morning and then came back to do lunch duty.  Due to the day, I ended up being the only admin on campus out at lunch duty.  I hate when this happens!  I always try and make sure that I am at lunch duty so there is more than one admin at school on duty.  I think I have missed lunch duty twice this year while I have been on campus and one time was a parent issue and another time was an admin issue.  

There are times when I am extremely observant and other times I feel like I have not got a clue.  On Friday at lunch duty I was watching a group of boys starting to play around.  I was just waiting for someone to accidentally hit someone and then it would “be on.”  As I am standing there watching this group, I am oblivious to another group of kids going back and forth where an altercation almost started.  From where I was it just looked like it was kids moving back and forth and I kept trying to watch the group I was concerned about to ensure there was no fights.  The group of boys behind me, waiting for the last bell to ring to sprint to class, said, “Ms. Iacuone, I think there is a fight over there.”   Of course, when I am not being observant to that side of the campus and I am the only admin out and I can’t see any campus supervisors.  So of course 1,000,000 things are going through my mind and I say on the radio, “There is a fight between 400 and 200.”  Ummmm….wrong Iacuone, I was walking from 400 to 200 but the fight was between 500 and 200.  (Facepalm!)  So I spent the rest of the day investigating the incident and figuring out what is going on between these two kids.  I should note here – NOT A FIGHT, just two kids arguing because they don’t like one another. 

At 4:00 pm, I left again to fly east for a meeting. I left early so that I could fly into NC and my mom picked me up to go to SC so that I could hang out with my friends and her.  On Saturday evening I spent time with Jamie at Panera catching up on four months of information.  It was great to see one of my best friends from high school and not have to wait an entire another year to see each other.  On Sunday, I got to see Benetta and Stacey as we sat at River Bluff High School and watch baseball and talked.  This school is only three years old and is beautiful.  It truly looks like one a college campus with the athletic facilities and outlay of the classroom.  One of the great things about being back in SC is seeing people.  Jeff Parsons, one of my professors from our athletic training program at USC was there and it was great to give him a hug and say hello. 

 On Sunday evening, my mom and I went to Charlotte, NC for the conference that I am on the east coast for this week. Mom decided to stay with me in NC so that we could spend some time together.  On Monday after the events of the day we went to the movies to see Zootopia and it is a GREAT movie.  I love Disney movies and this one was no different.  It was very entertaining and happy.   We went to a relatively new theater and it was so much fun, they had assigned seats because they were RECLINING!!!!!  Look at these!!

Tuesday was another day at the conference where I was able to make more connections and develop some ideas of how to help students.  At the end of the day, mom and I went to Maggiano’s, one of our favorite restaurants, to eat.  It was SUPER yummy and I cannot remember the last time I have been there, so it was great to be there again! 

All this time, I have still been worried about Squeak, she has treatments on Tuesday and Ali and Katja were staying with her again.  They send me pictures and keep me informed on what she is doing and how she is eating.  These are some of her pictures from this week.

The vet says that she is at 13.8 lbs so she has gained a little weight, which is good.  When she got home from treatment Katja said she wanted to eat so that is great news. 

Today is Wednesday and as I fly back I have to say that I am disappointed.  I fly Delta because I get a bag free and I feel there is just a tiny bit more room between the seats.  I typically fly at night and try to sleep but since I am flying during the day, I thought I would splurge so I upgraded to Delta Comfort.  Well, usually the planes I am on have the screens in the back of the seats and in Delta Comfort you are supposed to be able to have free Wi-Fi, snacks and movies.  However, there is NO TV SCREEN IN THE BACK OF THE SEAT!!  I feel so cheated.  I also went from Charlotte to Detroit and then San Diego and usually I fly through Atlanta so maybe that is why I got planes without the screens.  I have to say, I know that flying is one of those things I have to do because of going back and forth but one of the things that drives me nuts is the fact that they board so many different levels of people.  At a certain point, just let us on the plane and quit with all the levels.  If you board the plane from back to front it should go quicker as well.  But this all has to do with carryon bags which is stupid if they would just let people check a bag for free!  Ugh!!!

I have one more trip at the end of March.  My mom is going to be coming to stay with Squeak during the time I am gone.  I booked her ticket on Tuesday night but I know that she hates flying so it should be interesting to see how she does on American Airlines. 

Today was the first day back this week and MY PHONE GOT STOLEN!!!!  I had just finished meeting with another Assistant Principal, a parent and student and another student came in asking for a notebook and paper because their bookbag got stolen.  The bell had just rung and we had to go to duty so I told the student if he came with me to my office, I would get him what he needed.  We talked on the way to my office and when we got there at 3:00 pm,  I laid my phone and keys on the round table in my office and another adult was sitting there working as well.  I got him the notebook, paper, dividers, highlighters and pencils.  I told the young man that if he needed anything else to come and let me know and we would get him the school supplies he needed.  He left the office to go home and another came in to sit down and ask a few questions to me and the other person in my office.   At 3:15 pm, I packed up all my materials to go to the 3:30 pm meeting I was supposed to be at and as I was getting ready to leave I could not find my phone.  I started looking around for it, my secretary retraced my steps, Ali came in and looked through all my materials as well and no one could find it.  I tried Find My iPhone, calling, and texting from someone else's phone and did not hear anything.  At this point I knew it was taken and who did it.   I have to say that I was extremely emotional but trying not to show it.  I know it is just a phone and it is replaceable but here is the issue.  My Mac laptop that has the backup of my phone on it is not working, I had not backed up to iCloud and I had no contacts written down anywhere.  All I could think of is that everything is gone and there is no way to get any of it back!!!!  And...how in the world will I wake up tomorrow - it is my alarm clock!!!

I talked with the GURU of getting phones back and she called the student's parent who said he would look through his son's materials when he got home at 6:00 pm.  Well that means my phone is gone. This student probably sold it on the way home or at least stashed it somewhere so that it is not at the home.  I was so upset trying to decide what to do about the situation that I could not concentrate.  I did not kn ow if I should go ahead and buy another phone, try to get my Mac fixed for the latest backup to be available or what to do.  I decided to leave at 5:45 pm to run to Aveda to pick up some hair products and just go get another phone to start the process of getting it set-up.  As I was about to leave, my principal came in to talk with me.  She asked if I could wait until Friday night to get a new phone and that she would go to the student's house and try and get it back.  So she and another assistant principal went to the student's residence to see about getting it back.  Right before I was leaving Riverside, I called my principal and she said that yes, the student admitted to taking it but he did not have it.  He was told to bring it Friday morning to school and report to the office right away.   I left, feeling a little better that at least we knew who took it but not confident that we would get it back without damage.  

On a side note, let me tell you I have not been without a phone for about 15 years.  For the last 15 years I have always had a phone with me and driving anywhere.  It was odd to be driving somewhere without having that piece of security.  I know that sounds weird but since I don't have a house phone and live by myself, it is a piece of security.  It is good to be able to put the phone down. There are so many times that I am on it due to emails and text messages that not having it was nice as well.  :) 
On Friday I tried to stay away from the discipline office as they investigated the phone issue.  I have to tell you that I am embarrassed and sad about the situation.  I am embarrassed that it happened at all but sad that this is causing hours of investigation into a phone.  After about two hours, one of the campus supervisors brought me my phone but the SIM card was missing.  They asked if I wanted them to continue to look for the SIM card and since I am not sure what is on the SIM card, I said, yes, I would like it back if at all possible.  I was mainly worried about the contact information and what is on the SIM card.  I did not want my friends to get spam and phone calls that were annoying.  I also have a password protector on my phone and I was not sure if that could be hacked into.  Believe it or not, my SIM card got returned also.  

I tried to stay out of the entire process so that my emotions did not show and influence anything.  I am pleased that my phone and SIM card was returned and the only thing missing is the cell phone case, which I can get another one.  I cannot believe that it is actually back with no damage. Everything is on there and safe due to the fact I had a passcode on the phone. I am amazed and thankful!!!  I owe a lot to our principal, assistant principal and campus supervisors for investigating and working so diligently on getting it back.  

Saturday was a busy day and I am so tired already.  We have the RUSD Teacher Fair from 8-12 which I will be at to sit at the science table.  Then I am going into work to get some things done in the morning.  We also the quarter finals for the CA state championship!  The Huskies won and it is great, only a few more games to go for the season!  Very excited for the Huskies!

End of February

Monday, February 15, 2016

I think I have decided that I really dislike Valentine's Day and the days surrounding it.  I have never really had good luck in love, money or family around this day.  As for love, there always seemed to be something that happened about this time.  Either I was seeing someone who did not celebrate or forgot about the day, or I was ending a relationship about this time.  This is fine.  I really look at Valentine's Day as a day for the candy, flower, and card companies to make money.  If you care and love someone then you should tell them or show them each day.  As for money, it seems that I always had a car payment due, insurance due or some other large bill about this time of the year.  This year is no different, again it is a cycle.  Now for family, my father passed away from Esophageal Cancer on February 14th in 2004.  Today, I find out that sweet Squeak has lymphoma.

I took her to the vet specialist again this morning.  This time it was the one in Murrieta so there was no long drive for her.  They had me leave her for the radiologist to be able to take another ultrasound and also to see if they could get the needle aspiration.  While I knew what the diagnosis was going to be I was hoping against hope that it would not be something bad.  However, when I went to pick her up, they said that while it is not 100% definitive because they have to wait for the cytology report it looks like it is lymphoma and have set me up to see the oncologist on Tuesday, February 16.

I am devastated.  My little Squeaky has cancer and there is nothing that I can do to help her right now.  We just have to wait to find out what the treatment options are.  Then I have to make some decisions about her quality of life, her age, and the cost of treatment for her.   I am so scared about the appointment tomorrow that I am not even thinking strait.  All I have done is sit and cry today as she sleeps.

Squeak and Husky in the morning sun!

The vet did give me some pills for her to help her with her appetite and they told me I could feed her whatever she would eat.  I went to Petco to get some other food that is in gravy because that is what she is eating right now but she really wants tuna and I worry about that being too much for her tummy and her getting sick of it so she does not eat anything.  I just want to sit and hug her tight so nothing can ever harm her.  I guess it is a good thing that I don't have anything but fur-babies, can you imagine what this would be like if it was a human child?


Tuesday, February 16, 2016
Today, I had a vet oncologist appointment at 4:00 pm.  It was the longest day, knowing that I was leaving Squeak at home by herself and being unsure as to what I would come home to.  I knew she would be alive but she was acting so weak the last few days it scares me.  Ali, my friend from work, went with me to hear the diagnosis and listen to treatment options.  The California Vet Specialists have a division called Angel Care which is specifically for animals with cancer.  The head oncologist is Dr. Oligvie and when I got there with Squeak we found out he had two interns, one from UC Davis and one from Vienna who had come to study with him.  They both spoke to us and then Dr. Oligvie came in to talk to me about Squeak.  Here is the jest of what he said.  She has lymphoma and there are some options.  He cannot tell me which one will work and her life expectancy with either of them but in general here are the options:

1.  Give her prednisone - this will help extend her life and boost her immune system so she can live a little longer.  Without know exactly what stage, this would be 4 months or so.

2.  Multiple Drug Therapy - this is a combination of drugs for her that will help slow the growth of the cancer and bust her immune system but again, depends on staging of the cancer but could be 6 months to a year.

3.  Chemotherapy - this treatment option is designed to try and get the cancer to go into remission.  It does not cure it but puts it at levels so low that it is not detectable.  This is a 27 week cycle of treatments that she would undergo.  If I chose to do this cycle then we would know by week 4 if the treatments were working and they should continue or go to option 1 or 2.

I asked about pain and what kind of pain and discomfort she would be in with each option.  They said she would not be in any pain and the first sign she was in any pain at all they would stop treatment and let me know so we could re-evaluate treatment options but their goal was a high quality of life while she was still with me.

Now, please realize this is my baby and I have not been able to stop being upset about the situation and since I have never been through this before, I keep telling Dr. Oligvie and the oncology technicians they are going to have to let me know when she is in pain and it is time to stop treatments.  Each of her team members agreed to do that for both of us.  I also explained that one of the reasons I am so upset is because I am traveling so much this Spring with work and I am gone for extended periods of time so I am worried about her eating and giving meds.  They told me they would medically board her for me, but I hate to do that to my Squeaky, she loves her mattress and sunbeam too much!

I think by now, you know that I have chosen Option 3 for her.  Dr. Olgivie says the key is to make sure that she stays on her meds, gets her treatment at the appropriate time and to also be sure that she does not lose weight too quickly because she will get Fatty Liver Disease which can cause another host of issues and prevent the treatment from working.  So now I am worried about her getting the nutrients she needs when she is already not eating and I am gone.  They went ahead and did the first treatment that night for her and gave me encouragement that she would begin feeling better and eating.  Thank god Ali was there with me.  We left Squeak at the vet to get her first treatment and went to the drug store to get some things that Squeak will need.  Ali let me know that she and Katja would be there to take care of Squeak while I left this upcoming week and for me not to worry too much.  When we went back to pick her up she had her little arms wrapped in Coban bandages but had a sweet and happy look on her face.  They gave me the meds and off we went to take Squeak home at 8:30 pm with the instructions to give her medications that night.

You can see her cute little paw they shaved for Chemotherapy.

Now let me explain how laid back Squeak is.  This is my cat that I can put over my should and walk around and clean the house with.  This is the cat that I can move from one place to another and she just meows at me.  This is the cat that eats anything I lay in front of her.  She is also the cat that has NEVER BIT, SCRATCHED, or HIT any person with her paw.  However, because she is not eating, it is hard to give her meds.  She will not take them in a pill pocket and you cannot mix them with water because they foam.  You cannot crush them up and put them in a syringe because they will foam and you will lose some to the sides of the syringe and you cannot crush them up and put them in her food because she is not eating. In addition, a pill shooter does not work because they are 1/2 of a pill, a 1/4 of a pill and they are too small for the shooter and if you put the shooter down her throat too far, she gags and they come back out.   Sooooo, you have to push them down her throat.  My baby Squeak does not bite and while she fights it is not a hard fight like some of the other cats I have had.  I feel awful doing it to her.  She did sleep with me cuddled up close through the next morning and she did eat some in the morning but not a lot.


Wednesday, February 17, 2016
This morning when I was giving Squeak her meds I started wondering if I had made the right choice to go with option 3.  I hate putting the pills down her throat seeming like I am hurting her but I know for the treatments to work she has to have these meds.  I decided that I needed to do a meds schedule for her, especially if Katja and Ali will be staying with her this weekend.   Today I spent the day wondering if I made the right decision on a lot of things.  I am tired from this past weekend but I decided I need to cut back on some of the time I am out of town for several reasons.  1) Squeak, 2) my health - peace of mind, 3) to spend time with friends and 4) my job which I love.  I worry about taking on too much and not doing a good enough job.  While I have some decisions to make, I feel good about the decision.

I left rather quickly after school to go to the store and get Squeak a variety of food.  The vet said just to make sure she did not lose weight too quickly and to try and keep her off of sugary foods that feed the cancer so I was off to find protein based foods.  I got a variety of items from Petco and then also stopped at the store to pick up some shrimp, chicken and beef for her as well as eggs.  Now this is hilarious because I am a vegetarian and this is one of the first times I have bought meat in a long time LOL!.   When I got home I gave her a smorgasbord to choose from and she did eat some different foods, specifically some shrimp and some tuna.  However, she DOES NOT LIKE ALBACORE tuna or regular chunk tuna in spring water.  Picky Kitty!!!  However, she does get to choose what she eats! Look at this layout!

Oh the choices she has!

I also had a lot of trouble with her meds. I called the vet specialists to see if they had any suggestions and they said to put the pill in butter and freeze it for 30 minutes and then put it in her mouth, the butter will cause the pill to slide down and it gives her some nutrients.  While she does not like this, it is working.


Friday, February 19, 2016
Today was a fairly uneventful day.  I have been trying to get things set up and ready so when I leave work everything is ready for the next week.  I am a little worried about being gone for a week from school during registration but if I have to be gone, I guess this week is as good as any time to be absent.  I was able to get away 5:00 pm in order to get home.  I new I needed to leave the apartment y 7:30 pm to make it to the  airport on time and get through security.  Ali showed up at the apartment around 6:15 for me to show her how I had Squeaks meds set up and how to give them to her.  I had prepped a notebook with all of her information in it and a medicine administration schedule.   This allows you to see the general time that you are supposed to provide the medication to Squeak but allows you to put the time you actually gave them to her timetable so that you can keep up with the four medications she is taking right now.  One gets taken 1x a day, one is 2x a day, another is every 8 hours, another is 1x a day and the last is once time in the morning.  Katja showed up around 7:00 pm and Ali said she would train her on the meds for Squeak as well.

So at 7:30 pm, I left the apartment and made it to the car before crying.  I know that I will see Squeak in a week but I am still worried about her and that I am not there with her.  I know that Ali and Katja will take good care of my baby and Husky.  She will have great care, get to the vet and get fed but it is hard to leave at this time with her in this condition and not knowing if the treatment is working.

I did not sleep well on the plane, I was in an aisle seat this time and could not get comfortable. Besides the fact that I could not get comfortable I was worried about how Squeak would do this week, if I was prepared for the upcoming week and presentations and honestly, did I pack enough clothes?  I really had a hard time packing for this trip because I could not concentrate.  I would start and then could not think through what I was doing and became overwhelmed with the idea of looking up the weather and trying to figure out what to take.  Then when I decided just to take things for hot, cold and presentations, I tried not to overpack and therefore I think I underpacked.   This is so unlike me.  I am usually on point and really can plan well and pack.  This time it was just hard because my mind was in so many different places.  I decided that I could just purchase what I needed and the first place I was going had a washing machine and dryer so I could always do laundry if I ran out of clothes.

Disney Time
I had a really good time at Disney.  It was nice to be away and be back at Disney World after being away for 5 years.  There has been a lot of changes in Magic Kingdom since they opened it up more the area and put in some things from recent movies.  Below you will find some pictures of some of the area.  It was raining one of the days I was in Magic Kingdom so there are not as many pictures as there could be.

This would be the top of Prince Eric's castle.

Scuttle who can be found on The Little Mermaid Ride

Center of new Be Our Guest Restaurant


I tried to get a little of the turning.  I think it might be loud in the room!

Picture in Be Our Guest

Picture in Be Our Guest restaurant

Picture in Be Our Guest Restaurant.

Rose from movie in Be Our Guest restaurant.

Main dining room in Be Our Guest restaurant.

Stained glass window in Be Our Guest restaurant

I think I need new dishes and these will be them:

These are going to be my new dishes!

The Magic Kingdom is where the majority of the changes have taken place over the last five years, but there are some things that stay the same such as the Jungle Cruise:

Ladies and Gentlemen: The Backside of Water!!!!!

At Epcot, they are in the process of making some changes but they have not finished yet.  They will be changing Norway and are doing some work in a few other areas.  I did not take many pictures in this area but I did take some pictures of the amazing garden work at Epcot!

Snow White

Phineas & Ferb

  

Beast and Belle

Luminear and Cogsworth

The Animal Kingdom and Hollywood Studios are still the same.  Hollywood Studios did add a new show called Frozen Sing Along which is actually hilarious!!!  The premise behind it is to tell the story of Frozen with a satire feel where they make fun of the Frozen Craze while still honoring the Frozen CRAZE!!!  It was so good that I went to see it twice!

Another new things that is happening at Disney, which is pretty fantastic is the use of Magic Bands and the Interactive Disney App to plan your trip and keep up with everything.  I think one of the reasons I am so impressed with this is because in 2006 I got stopped while I was in Epcot and asked to be part of a focus group where I answered questions that gave feedback to allow for something like this to be developed.  

My Magic Band - Yellow of Course!!!!

Overall it was a very enjoyable time with friends and family at one of my favorite places.  While I know that not everyone enjoys Disney as much as I do and yes it can be expensive, I do enjoy the entertainment, good food, night time parades and events.  I love that you can go to this place and everything is taken care of for you if you plan appropriately, which I am able to do for the most part since I have been there so many times.  

For you Jamie!

A Closer Shot!

One of the things that I highly suggest and will do from now on as I go back is to do a dessert event where you get preferential seating for the evening event.  We did this for the Magic Kingdom so that we could see the fireworks best and  these are the dessert they provided.  It was a buffet and let me just say that I almost went into a Sugar Coma!!!!  It was nice to have a space without people stepping on you to watch the fireworks and enjoy the time!

One other thing to point out that is different about Disney is the Star Wars parts that are being added. It was fun to see what they are doing and see how they are honoring the former Star Wars movies and moving forward.

Lemon Cupcake - BB8

Darth Vader Cupcake

 Mural of Former Star Wars Movies!

Millennium Falcon Model

There was also a lot of Jawas walking around and Storm Troopers.  The area is really well done and I enjoyed being there and seeing the old with the new.  While I do not exude Star Wars, it is one of my favorite movie sagas simply because it was the first movie I remember my dad taking me to and watching these as part of holiday traditions where they show them all day!  I remember being in my PJ's and watching them all day long as we celebrated Thanksgiving and Christmas.  It was interesting also to be there and hear people talk about who Rey is related to and her history.  It made me smile.

Texas Instruments

So the real reason I am on the east coast this week is Texas Instruments.  I am a T3 Regional Instructor and this is our annual conference.  On Thursday, we had our Professional Development day where they reveal upcoming products and things coming out in the next 6 months.  It is our chance to work with prototypes, see new educational materials and connect with my T3 family for collaboration.  This year was no different.  However, I did come away with some highlights of things that I need to work on as an administrator for my kids.  I knew about these, but I am finding more of an urgency for this now.

1. We need a SAT / ACT Prep class for our students - especially our girls!
2. We need a computer science class on campus!
3. We have to push coding and getting kids to understand the importance of coding.
4. We need to really pull in ALL students into the STEM program whether it is afterschool or a pathway we create.
5. Talk about the Slow Math Movement where teachers slow down and allow students to really understand the math before they move forward so quickly and fail.    

These are things that I think a lot of other people know about. However, since I am not always attending content conferences but more leadership conferences or professional development that is targeted I don't always hear the up and coming events and needs.  Since RUSD is doing so much in-house PD, our teachers are not able to leave to go to the conferences they need to make the changes they need to make.  In fact, I am the only person here from the entire RUSD district that I know of. While there are other CA people here, the majority of them are T3 instructors who had to come for the PD day as well.   I am very excited about the products, training and educational materials that are coming out from TI in the next year and I cannot wait to implement them.  

Ending 

As I end this week and am heading home to start next week back on a somewhat regular basis, I do have to say thank you to Ali and Katja for sending me pictures of Squeak and giving me updates.

Squeak and Katja relaxing!

Baby Squeak on the Bed

One of her favorite sitting places.  She has to be feeling better!

After Chemo - She was hungry!

Just point out what you want Squeaky!

Ham was a HIT!

My Squeak!

Husky got in on the action as well.

She came out!! Husky can be friendly!  She wanted some loving and to see what was happening!

It is because of the two of you that I was able leave CA, enjoy Disney and to focus on TI.  

I owe you big time!  Love you!!